Oh God
by QueenOfXDs
Summary: A random yaoi fivesome with L, Light, my self-insert, and my friends' self-inserts. Rated M to be safe. Lemon, OOCness, intended self-insertation, and definite stupidity. LightxOC, one-sided LxOCxOC


Just for the record, the weather today is slight OOCness with a 100 of yaoi lemon, a fivesome, and self-insertation.

I own nothing but Lauren, who is my self-insert. I dedicate this to Michelle and Patti;who have self-inserts in this fic. They dared me to write this without throwing up, slitting my wrists, and/or killing myself. Congratulations, I lived! Your prize is a crappily written yaoi fic!

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Oh God

Light peeked in L's hotel room. He was perched in his usual sitting position on a couch and was quietly sipping tea as he was signing some insurance papers. Light grew a devilish grin on his face as he sneaked behind L's sofa.

Light put a hand on L's shoulder. "Take it off," he whispered. L's eyes widened as he quietly set his teacup down and got up from his sofa. "No need," Light growled seductively. He pushed L down and started to loosen his belt.

While they were making sweet gay love, Lauren was walking down the hallway, trying to find Light. They have been going out for a year now and they have been spending a little bit too much time apart from each other. She knew Light was busy with the Kira investigation (and she knew full well that Light was Kira); Lauren hates to be lonely, especially when she couldn't be with her loved ones.

She heard moans and groans coming from L's hotel room and stopped. She pressed her ear against the door, where she could hear the moans loud and clear. "L-l-LIGHT!"

_That dirty cheater!_ She thought. She busted through the door and saw a most troubling sight: Light and L, stark naked, on the floor, making out and groping each other's asses. They stopped when they heard the door opening, but accidentally giving enough time for Lauren to see everything.

Light and L stared at Lauren for a few minutes, the silence deafening. "Light, what are you doing?" Lauren asked quietly. He didn't answer; the guilt evident in his eyes."

"Lauren," he started to say, "I'm so sor—"

"No. Don't say anything. There's only one way I'll let this go."

"And what would that be?" L asked her.

"…Can I join?" Light and L looked at each other and grinned.

"Hell yeah!" Light took off her glasses and put them on the table, and L started kissing and nibbling on her neck. Lauren moaned with pleasure.

"I think you should just give up while you have the chance, Patti," Michelle remarked to her rival in love as she was stretching. Michelle and Patti challenged each other to a race to see who could get to L's hotel room first. First prize is total ownership of L.

"I'm not giving up just yet," Patti retorted. "I just hope you're prepared to lose L."

"Betch, please, at least _I_ have a backup. While I can always rely on Mello, whom do _you_ have? Mr. Lung Cancer?"

Patti huffed. "At least he's attempting to quit. Barbie's most likely going to end being a lazy fatass by the time you two get married. Which will most likely happen, because _I'm_ going to be the one who get's L's heart."

"We'll see about that." They crouched down in a racer's position.

"1…2…3!" They sprinted down the street and into the hotel lobby. They ran into a nearby elevator, completely ignoring the poor receptionist's desperate cries of, "No running in the lobby, please!" They ignored each other as they waited in the slow moving elevator. Patti started to tap her toes with impatience and Michelle hummed along with the elevator song, which was, "The Only Difference Between Martyrdom and Suicide is Press Coverage" by Panic! At The Disco.

When they reached the top floor, they ran down the hallway and ran to L's room. They kicked the door open and saw Lauren making out with L while Light was giving her a hickey. "L-KUN!" they shrieked. L pulled away from Lauren and sighed.

"You wanna join us?"

"Would we!" They delightfully ran over to the trio and started to take off their clothes.

Thirty minutes later, we find our fivesome panting and gleaming with little beads of sweat on their bodies.

"Heh, heh, we should do this more often," Lauren said.

"Yeah," the other four agreed.

THanks for reading! Now, if you'll excuse, I have to go disinfect my brain.


End file.
